Good Friday

There is nothing good about Friday's.  My deliveries are always late, I'm sick of setting the clocks back every hour and all my customers are determined to buy me out of steaks.  I hate being grumpy but Friday's suck.  I've stubbed my toe on the same cabinet every Friday since 1997 and it is wearing thin.  I've had the metal skirting changed three times and that isn't cheap. I think people have a sick sense of humour.  They crucified Jesus on this day over two thousand years ago.  Now, I've had to look into this and crucifiction is a very bad thing. So Good Friday can go suck on some rotten eggs because I'm taking the day off and locking myself in the attic.

Sheep Rustling

I was counting my flock last night, just before I dropped off to sleep and something terrible has happened.  I'm missing one sheep!!!  I consider this to be without a doubt the worst thing that has ever occurred ever.  I don't want to press charges I just want him back.  His name is Daniel; he's sheep like and adorable.   He may have just wandered off, either way; there is a Christmas turkey in it for anyone who brings him back.  Dead or alive (I think that is the phrase).  Daniel if you are reading this we are all worried about you and just want to see you home safely.

The Grand National

Just won six fifty on the national.  I'm six scratch cards and a Mars Bar up on yesterday.  Although, I am down one betting slip.  Still, you learn a lot from compromise.

Break Dancing

I've decided to take up break dancing as a way of impressing the ladies. With my straight elbows I'm a natural at handstands, I just have problems keeping my feet at the same level. Still, once this has been mastered they'll be no stopping the Groove Jester.

I'm The Greatest

Free liver and onions for everyone. Psych. April Fools.